HOW IT ALL STARTED

This was the rant that became a song that became a blog that became an ongoing project that I want to stage sometime in the future THIS IS NOT MY COUNTRY Knock back dumb frightened felt kicking straws blind panic full thought never time to ease my mind fearful flow, Gunshot. Bubbles my new fish stalled image finish fingers fast fast fasten. Telly in the background I forgot to turn it off again it's company at least this day. Of all the time wasted waste Sharp strokes burn burn children my son saw them burn. Stir fry smells nice once I start the madness will not stop the tears will not go away. Spelling words at school torture her tight brown hair tight wound voice write right call her tomorrow Don't be do self indulgent wasting time with my fuck off computer should be doing something else and not waste my time on things that lead nowhere and money money that's the thing Dull blocks lead nuance confused jumble save and restart wonky time always takes it's time when you least expect it there I go. Fury surprises ramble mind bank payments another cigarette before I start again He's not home yet the dinner is cold again I eat alone and him too many surprises I like the shape on the page my words make could do it again make no sense of it relax explode black smoke emails censor honest old men with wigs and eyes look sad your father after how many years why now why now. War if you can't come we can't go I'm afraid planes flying tickets practical but fear Speak out way out way off down smells that comes to me bandages from the hospital that make me sick now Music in my ears to my ears my ears that sometimes don't hear block it out listen to that beauty Quiet afraid can I start again too late grass i want grass in my garden like when i was young lemon trees spoil the grass this is not my country and you don't understand me you wont see me I am invisible this is not my country my country is cold and green and unfriendly and funny and dark and deep .